[April Journal]

Entry l

My Darling,

I'm not entirely sure how I should be writing/recording these so I'll probably fool around with different set ups through out this Journal.

I just finished dinner about two hours ago. The burgers were really good and my tummy was really happy and relieved that I started filling him up again.  Don't worry, I have been drinking water~ With a couple pieces of sliced lemon~ Mnnn.  I've actually been really thirsty lately.

Anyway, I got your text about all of the crazy people at the baby shower (I'm assuming was for your step mom!) but I'm glad everyone left and had a good time.  I've only been to one baby shower (not my mother's when she was pregnant with my sister) and it was a lot of fun! The games were odd...like the..smell the diaper game? Did you play that? It's when you take a diaper and put mustard or pepper or..something weird in them and you have to smell them and guess when it is.

Well, at any rate.  

After we had our dinner, we decided we would go out to the beach for a walk. Its been gorgeous the last few days but lordie.  The tourists are /still/ here and we couldn't even find a parking space! The beach lot was full and the streets all through the village were full! Not a spot in sight. So we just decided we'd head back home and wait until tourist season is over (by Easter~).

Since we've been cooped up in the house all day though, we decided we'd take the time and go for a little early walk with the dogs. To get some fresh air and some exercise.

So I guess that brings me to right now. I've just been messing around with the site and as you can already tell! Your brilliant boyfriend has /finally/ taken the time to browse properly and read instructions. I can create forums now~. Dun dun duuuunnnnn. I posted a Creation Corner! Because I got to thinking about your Sugar Scrub you always tell me about..and I thought it would be cool to just share random things like that.  I have some cool craft ideas you may like and you can share some of yours with me! Even food/recipes we could share with each other as well!

Well, that's all for right now. I've never been very good when it comes to writing in journals but I really want to try and share these kinds of things with you.

I love you so much and I miss you. I'm going to go text you now to tell you about this post xD!!

Forever Yours,

Salem

(4/6/14)

Entry ll

7/14 -

So I've decided to make my journal entries like this? I still am not sure but we will see how this goes!

Not much happened today, I ended up sleeping in waaaaaay too late again even though I completely died on you last night. So I woke up tired because I over slept. But the moment I woke up, I saw your beautiful texts and I logged on to see everything you wrote and I loved it!

Once I was fully awake I got up and washed myself up for the rest of the day! I cleaned, did some laundry and continued the never ending search for a job.  

While I was online though I went to go and check on my student email with the school.  As you know, it was just fricken insane the kinds of hoops I had to jump through /just/ so I could register!  But I guess it comes with the territory when you're a student, returning after failing so many classes. I guess in the end, the hard work and dedication I'm putting into it will be worth it; I am working my bum off ><!!!

At any rate, let me get the email I sent her.

Ah! Okay. Here it is:

\" wrote:Dear Ms. Pinkney,

It's Salem Parris, we met on Wednesday Fed. 26th 2014 to go over my academic standing.  I'm curious because there still seems to be a hold when I try to go in and register for my summer class. I brought in all of my information we discussed that everything would be put in the Friday before March 31st, so I'd be ready to register that Monday. I was just wondering if it went through or not? Do I need to make another appointment to come and see you?

Respectfully,

Salem Parris

I made sure not to be too snappy. I was just really curious! Because last semester, I was /really/ registering and when I went in she kind of got on my case about that. Which was perfectly understandable. So I made sure to make my appointment the /moment/ I read when registration for summer classes would start. I made the appointment! And I brought all of the needed paper work.

She told me she'd lift the hold I had for registering the Friday before the 31st so then I could register on the 31st. Maybe I went in too early because that was in March and I made my appointment and met with her in February. NOT TO MENTION! I didn't want to have to go and set up /another/ appointment for something she said she was going to do. I even checked and she was booked solid throughout the next month!

Anyway, this is the email she sent back:

\" wrote:Good Morning Salem,

Unfortunately, until grades are posted for the term the hold is still in place.  I have released the hold so that you can register for your summer and fall classes.

Respectfully,

And of course, she signed it.

So basically, in the email, she's telling me that I would have to wait until my current class is over and the grades are all put in and official. WhywouldIwaitthatlong? Regardless, she lifted the hold and I got to register! Thankfully because there were only 3 spots left in the class ><!!!


The rest of my day was pretty quiet though! I watched the Science Channel just before class and funny enough, the information I learned on the television was right in our next section in class. The boys and I did our work and then we sat around and talked about videogames until it was time to leave XD! And then I came home, had dinner, walked the pups and now I'm here!

I think I'm going to set my alarm for tomorrow because I really want to try getting myself up early. Doing exercises and maybe go and drive around for a job. Let's hope~ xD

Anyway, I love you so much darling. You make me incredibly happy! I hope this entry puts a smile on your beautiful face~!

Entry lll

9/14 -

Phew! I can't tell you how thrilled I am its bedtime /and/ that tomorrow is Wednesday! This week has gone exceptionally fast! But I'm not complaining~ Though I wish the weekends could take their time XD!!

I woke up at a decent hour but we've been having really bad storms because of the cold front that's coming down, so it was like a hurricane a'blown' outside when I woke up. I slept peacefully but I had a bunch of strange dreams! One about a family of alligators living under my bed. A huge alligator came out and climbed on my bed to bite me. He started rolling and rolling and wouldn't let me go!

Then my second dream was about the toilet randomly overflowing! I assumed it was just a strange stress dream, since that's a repair I dont have the time for nor the money! And its an essential piece in a home!

At any rate, I woke up and Kelala decided to hop up into my tiny twin bed. So I had a puggle between my legs and an 80 lb lab mix right next to me..shivering because she doesn't like storms.

So I cuddled her and made sure she was happy until the rain started to let up. Once everyone was calm, I got up and did chores. I cleaned the house, did the never-ending laundry and then I worked on my homework.

I couldn't really do much today because of all of the rain outside~! And the change in weather (from warm to cool) and the wind, it made me so sleepy! So, you know, I took a nap. And there I had a dream about a hurricane XD!!!! Nothing was frightening at all..which is probably why I found those dreams so weird!

Anyway! I went to dance annnnddd we have a minute and half of the song choreographed but we still have another minute and some seconds! XD!!!! Our teacher is great but she's run out of things to teach us (I havent learned anything new this year) and she has this horrible habit of forgetting the dance. We only have 8 classes left and we dont have a solid understanding of any part of the dance because she keeps changing parts she can't remember XD!!!!

After class, I drove home in the cool weather with the windows down and the music as loud as can be! I took back roads so I could drive a little faster~ and then I came home, did all of the nightly chores ! And now I am here! I've gotten a large portion of my assignments done and tomorrow I'll get some more done. Its not due tomorrow, but I think its due while we're taking our final exam. XD!!!

Hmmnnn, I feel like I had more to say! I'm sorry today wasn't very eventful! My Tuesdays rarely are, of course, with the exception of having you in my life. That part is always exciting and I remind myself daily!

I love you so much my darling. I'll always love you! I hope you know that.

Forever yours,
Salem

Entry lV

10/14 -

I just realized last night that my journal entries are being posted a day late, haha. Because its already AM for me when I'm writing this.

Today, for the most part, was an uneventful day. I slept in waaaaay too late again and which kind of put me in a starnge mood. I felt really bad for missing my mother's invitation because I know we both wouldve really enjoyed it. She said she was okay with it but I get the feeling she was a bit disappointed. She really doesn't like that I stay up so late but I think its just her worrying like mothers do.

When I got up (around 1 pm), I worked on my homework and then got a shower. At around 3, my sister came home and at 3:30 we left the house. After I dropped her off I turned my music up as loud as I could and I did a bit of crying in my car while driving to school.

School was actually really good; it was a lot of fun. It's funny because it never was "fun" for me but I guess I feel like I'm in a place where I can be me.

I'm always me but you're my life darling and with our families treating us the way they do; I feel like I step into this bubble when I come home. Its not a bad bubble at all because I have you..but I guess this entire thing, with us both feeling stressed about it and families pressing...I think I've noticed it a little more. Its really not easy and I hope...no. I know we can make it through. But I know we're going to have days/nights like these when the thought of walking out into traffic sounds appealing. ..but then again? What kind of thinking is that? Its sort of...awful to think that we'd prefer to die/kill ourselves than wade through it all to be together.

But now I'm rambling. mnnnnn

I am excited about Friday. We're going to Orlando to look at a college my sister is interested in and I am dying for a bit of a road trip, just some fun time with my family. But it wont keep me out late, though Alex has been making noise about going to see another movie on Friday.

But anyway! I think that's all! Like I said, my day was rather boring, though I really want to try to maybe settle down into bed after I post this. I want to try and get myself on a regular sleep schedule! Semi-regular.

I love you so much darling and the days will get better. They just have to, for the both of us.

Forever Yours,
Salem

Entry V

11/14 -

Again ^ my dates are a little off, aren't they? Haha, well I guess that's okay!

So, today. Well, you're with me nearly the entire day so you know what happened. I really didn't get much sleep last night, I was up and down and tossing and turning. We finished talking at around 6 my time and I think I slept for a few moments because around 7 am, I just decided to roll out of bed.

I had my tea, and I just sat in the quiet, watching something on TV and it really relaxed me. Then when you woke up, the day just seemed to fall into place! A beautiful place. I loved that we got to spend some time together this morning. And we got up and had lunch together and then spent most of the day studying.

It was just an all around good day. Very relaxing! Which, I think we both disparately needed.

I got a huge chunk of my homework down and nearly finished my study sheet so I can finish that tomorrow when I come back from the little day trip.

We're going to be going to..FCU? FSC? idk. XD!!! There are so many colleges down here with the same fricken initials, it's insane. And nearly all of them have FU, and that's just rude XD!!!

"What college do you go to?"
"FU."
" 'scuse me?"
XD!!!!

But we're going to go to the meeting and then the tour they give and then we might stop by another school on the way back. While we're in the area. Mom also wants to go to one of the gardens nearby, or some little..weird, side attraction Florida puts out for the tourists that come here every year.

I actually don't mind it. It's like, going to see the world's largest ball of yarn. Its random but so much fun. And we got these passes last year? No. The year before last; we got these passes that let us in at a discount price to any Garden attraction in Florida.

Its apart of the Ford-Edison Estates thing. And its good for every Garden attraction! So its good for some places in Sarasota, where only the wealthy, retired, old people go to because they're the only ones who can afford it. I shouldn't be so bitter. I'm not really, I'm just tired of seeing out-of-state license plates XD!!!

Most of them drive toooo slow, because they aren't sure where they're going. Because they're trying to search for where they're going, they aren't watching where they're driving. And the roads down here just weren't meant for any of it! XD!! Thankfully! They'll all start leaving by next weekend. I think a lot of the Canadian tourists are already gone? I know they can only stay down here for so long or else their little..visa thing comes in and then...you know.
"You're not Amurkin! So get the eff out!"
And Canada
"A! Whatchya doin' down thur for? Come back to our great nation of Syrup! And .....bacon! That's not really bacon but a slice of Christmas Ham! O' Canada...O' Canada!!"

XD!! I'm sorry hun, your boyfriend is going a little nuts. Can you tell I'm a bit sleepy?

Which brings me to my next point! I know I said I was going to post this one thing up that would make you smile but it takes a little bit of time and I don't know if I'll have enough time tonight. So, I might have to save that for my next Entry! But I'm pretty sure it'll make you smile!

I actually am hoping that /this/ entry makes you smile XD!! I know I'm shaking my head and wondering if the cheap waffle iron did something to my food tonight!

I love you sweetheart. More than anything in this world.

Forever Yours,
Salem

Entry Vl

13/14 -

Alright, so this is my late journal! And look at that, my dates are still off xD!!!

At any rate! I'm going to just kind of go through yesterday and today so I am all caught up!

As you know, yesterday was amazing. I really had such a fun time with my family and taking that road trip. I really needed it I think. We got up at around 6 am, showered, brushed and dressed! We left early and grabbed some coffee and breakfast at the Dunkin' Donuts.

Then we set off on our two hour drive to Orlando. We brought a long a crap load of CDs because we're just tired of the four songs they play over and over again on the radio and the dozens of commercials in between each!

We sang the entire way up there XD! We listened to everything from Country to show tunes (Mainly Disney) to K-pop to J-pop and some old 70's music! And a bunch of other random songs, (Thats what happens when Dance teachers give you CDs xD!! You never know what's on them!).

We passed through so many tolls! and the directions the school gave us were a little wonky. The main road you come on to is Gemini St.?? Or way..or dr? idk. But that's where Greek way is with all of the sororities and fraternities were; those houses were huge! Almost like something you'd see in the movies. And they were really nicely kept too. Then we drove through their on campus mall area, where they have a movie theatre and several shops, restaurants and everything else you could probably ever need. I joked with my mom about never ever having to actually leave the campus for anything! Since they even have an on campus doctor and dentist and lawyers!

The school was built just like a resort! Very fancy looking! They had an outdoor lap pool and a leisure pool with hammocks! The leisure pool is usually only open during daylight hours and the rule is: "When you hear the music playing, you know the pool is open." Which was true! They were blasting out music! And it was so much fun XD!!!

The dorms werent horrible at all! They took us to the Neptune dorms and the Hercules dorms. One they call the "L" shape and it was really spacious. Each room has two people and you share a bathroom with the suit right next door. They give you free toilet paper and a cleaning service that'll come every week to clean your bathroom! Provided you move your stuff out of the way.

Anyway, I've already raved about the school to you XD!! Bottom-line is: I loved it!

Once we were done with the tours, we were trying to decide what else we could do in the area. We visited Rollins. It was a beautiful school! Very old buildings, looked like an old, Spanish Mission really! With pretty stucco walls and reddish/orange shingles on the roof. A large church in the middle of the campus. We didn't have an appointment but the woman at the desk said it was open for us to roam around.

I guess the day before, the college had this thing called "Fox Day". Apparently, the Dean decides (not on any particular day) to cancel all classes. They never know when its going to happen but a statue of a fox will be placed outside in the courtyard and all classes for that day will be canceled and they get food! Snacks! Play games! dance! and just have a good time. which I think isn't too bad!

As pretty as the school is, its really expensive! xD!!! Probably something like Ouran there. Everyone had a fancy car. And ..mmn idk. When you grow up with not much money, ending up in a school where everyone comes from money. It can be a little difficult. Damn rich people.

But my sister seemed to like it. I think she's a little but clueless as to where she wants to go. I told her that she needs to write down a pro/con list. Big campus vs little campus first. Mom has always stirred us toward small campuses because she isn't fond of large campuses. But based on my reaction to UCF, (I never even toured state campuses because I was so focused on an all-around art school) I think she should consider...looking at both options. Figure out if she can handle one or the other and then focus on the major she wants. She really wants to go into acting.

At any rate! At Rollins, we visited their free museum, which was interesting. Some of the art I really liked and some of it was a little ehhh. Haha, I'm very picky when it comes to art that I like/can tolerate XD!!!

After the museum, we decided to get some dinner and then we hit the road once more! I drove back and we sang again! We got home, completely exhausted but we just had such a wonderful time!!

---

As for today, it was pretty chill! I slept in a great deal. I missed Allie's voice lesson, which I enjoy going to but I was just too tired XD!! So I stayed. Then Allie had rehearsal, mom did some shopping and I stayed and studied and cleaned.

Allie then went off to her friend's house for the night. Mom and I had dinner together and we watched some tv! And just talked about a lot of things. Mostly school stuff, Allie, what we're going to do tomorrow. That sort of thing. So, all-in-all, its been a really relaxing day for me. It wasn't as exciting as the day before but that's okay!

I love you so much darling~~ You make me so happy!

Forever Yours,
Salem

15/14 -

I'm so sorry I wasn't able to get my entry up last night~ After all of the studying, I was bushed.

Yesterday was an okay day, as you may have noticed. I was cranky and just in a horrible mood but things got better. I studied a ton and I was confident that I knew what I needed to know for my exam. I'm really excited that I only have the final exam left! May 1st? I was told.

But that was pretty much everything on Sunday, I woke up late and I studied. I helped mom with dinner and I went on my job hunt again. I may have one over the summer at a summer camp but I need to contact the lady first and before they find someone else to fill the position.

But today was a little better! As always, I had a wonderful time in class. I took the exam and I feel like I did a great job on it. But we will see when he posts the grades. And everyone said I looked really nice because I was all dressed up for the dinner tonight. I had to leave right away from the school, so there wouldn't have been time to go home and change clothes.

Passover dinner was a lot of fun of course. Lots of singing and dancing and food and games. It just took a really long time and I just wanted to come home and relax after the first two hours haha.

I'm trying to think of what else happened and all of the wonderful things but our talk about your lunch today still has me very deep in thought XD! So I'm not really sure what I'm writing anymore.

I guess I could talk about that...herm. I mean, I agree with everything your mother said. These times you wont get back, and I feel like I'm ruining this time of your life for you. I've already ruined my own life; I never let myself have those years to be a normal person and just let go and meet people. A part of me is afraid that I'm really holding you back when it comes to that.

You're going to meet some amazing people in college, and I know you're going to fit right in too. You'll be able to get where you want to go in no time and You'll make some amazing friends along the way. I think the points your mom brought up really scare me because I can't think of a good enough argument. They're all true. I love you with all of my heart...more than anything in this world.

I know it broke your heart that I can't be there and I never meant to hurt you or your mother. Because I know it hurts her that you're hurting. And I think that little voice inside of me that tears me apart at night kind of hopes that maybe you will find someone in college who can make you happier. To show you what you deserve but I know thats apart of my self doubt.

Because I know that I can do it, I know I can be there for you. So then why can't I be there for you now? It doesn't make sense but its a feeling I get because I'm only half of me. You make me whole, that's true but I know sometimes you're the only half of me that's alive and happy. And I don't feel like that's fair to you. Or me. I guess I deserve to be happy with myself and love myself. I think it'll make a happier person out of me...and there for a happier person to have come and visit. I mean, what am I going to do when the guilt of just being me hits me while I'm visiting you and your family?

Here I have places I can run off to...places I can hide and cry and tell myself awful things until I'm satisfied its sunk in and its passed ..but to create a scene in front of your family. Or having the entire visit not be fun at all because I am feeling that way just doesnt make any sense to me either. You're entering a huge and exciting part of your life right now and it tears me up that I am just a couple of scraps of this person who had a place and potential in this world.

I may still have potential but its like those really low burning candles that's struggling to stay bright. And with all of that going on you don't deserve someone who's going to hold you back. There are a lot of things in this relationship that have already happened and I can't forgive myself for...not yet. I am trying as hard as I can...and then that scares me. Your mom said you may not be able to fix me, and its kind of what I said. Because you've fixed me as much as anyone outside of myself can fix me...but I need to do it now. What happens if that becomes to much? and you don't want to...have to keep gluing pieces back together that /should/ be staying. What if you doubt yourself then because "you can't fix me" and maybe in the back of our minds we think you can or should be able to do it. That scares me too because ...idk. Maybe then I'm relying on you too much. I don't mean to, I just don't really know what to do with myself. And I fucking hate that too! That I don't fucking know and I should know.

And no one understands how much I wish I knew. and how much I wish I knew what was wrong with me.

And the thing that makes it difficult is because I love you so much. More than anything so then I become this selfish person. You push me forward to do so much and I do it. I always do and I guess it just all scares me because one of these days, I know, you're going to see that..maybe the amount I've moved forward just isn't enough.



I don't know. This is just me rambling and crying XD and rambling some more. They're all of the thoughts and feelings that are processing--thinking about the things you told me about your lunch this afternoon.

I'm also not sure or clear about the things you're thinking about this and that's alright. We can sort it all out a bit at a time. And we will.


Mnnn I guess on a happier note..tonight is a lunar eclipse. And its supposed to be a red moon tonight..err a blood moon. I think its supposed to start around 3:30 am tonight? Well. no it starts around 1 am. but its going to be a full eclipse sometime around 3:46..something random like that. So I'm going to try and stay up to see it! I'm excited about that because we just finished talking about the moon in my class. In fact, the first question on our exam was "What's it called when the Earth passes between the Sun and the Moon?"


But anyway...I love you so so so much hun. Please, I hope my ramblings don't scare you..or make you feel uneasy. They aren't mean to, its just me and my fears that I've had for sometime and I think my thought processing has just really brought them up and its highlighting them.

I've always and will always love you. No matter what happens in our futures. You've given me so much and you've taught me so so much. I hope you don't forget that or doubt that. Bottom-line...I just want you to be happy. As happy as you make me because you do...you make me incredibly happy.

I love you, Makayla.

Forever and ever and /always/ Yours,
Salem

Okay!! So I am /extremely/ late with my journals, I know. I'm so sorry my darling, I really don't mean to be! I think my brain has a hard time remembering. Not really remembering but...for me, my sketch book is my journal XD!!!!! But I will do better these next few days! I promise!

So, yesterday was good. As you know. I'm so happy that you and I are moving in the same direction again. It feels like everything has clicked again and we're back on the same boat and riding the same current we always have..its just wonderful.

I feel like I've been hibernating XD!!! But really bad hibernating because I still feel tired as hell! But that's just me and my body not knowing what to do with sleep. Either I don't sleep enough or I sleep too much~ And at this point I am rambling so I'ma stop XD!

Yesterday (Tuesday) was lovely and staying home was really nice. I love dance but I had a lot to get done and I didn't want to mess around with the dance studio last night XD!!

I just checked my school email, and I got a 90 on my exam~ And ...107? XD on my last assignment. Because..yeah know. Thats a thing. 107%. But it's pulled my grade back up to an A! Which..makes me happy.

Mnn, Today was really lovely too! School was good but I did wake up a little later than I wanted to. Hopefully tonight I'll be able to pass right out! And then I can wake up tomorrow. I have long list of things I need to do! Get more chemicals for the pool, do the mowing! The weeding! The laundry, the vacuuming. Job searching! All of that fun business. But I'm excited for Friday and the weekend..because of Easter.

Idk if I ever told you that? My family celebrates Easter. Well, you know we celebrate Christmas too. XD! Our religion is Holidaaaaaaa-aaaaayyy...something something. We like holidays XD!!! Simple as that! Happy times to enjoy~ That's what we love. And I'm so sorry this jounral is all over the place. My mind just isn't settling down!

Makes sense since I just finished writing up a Tamaki reply XD!! So my mind is just moving from one thing to the next! And I'm just happy. Purely happy to have you in my life! And our sex today was fricken awesome and put me in the /best/ mood XD!!!

At any rate..

I love you sweetheart. I'm sorry this one is so messy and so short. ><!!!! I'll do better next time! I promise.

Forever Yours,
Salem