[2016 - Journal] July

7/31/16 -
   Isn't it funny? It always seems like the months are on the verge of changing when I finally decide to write a journal entry. Isn't that always the way with me? XD!! But, in my defense, I've never been very good at this kinda thing.

That being said, also forgive any spelling errors, or disjointed thoughts. Since my computer jumped off my bed, like a suicide-ending in a dramatic tragedy, I am forced to rely on the handiness of my trusty phone to create this post!

Today has been an interesting day, to say the very least. It has been relatively quiet. Well, as you now, mom needed me yesterday. Due to a horrendous migraine, I had to take her to the emergency room. It was..more than a little tough. It hit me really hard yesterday, as I sat in the dark room, while my mom lay asleep on a gerni. I came to the realization that I'm starting to reach that age where..more of these episodes may happen? I pray to the Goddess that it won't, but it might. And it kind of frightens me. I never felt so childlike in a very long time. Kind of lost, and alone. I guess sitting in a dark room with your thoughts, for two hours, will drag up some depressing ideas.

I also thought about myself, and whete I am going in this world. What's happened to me over this year, and how (or what) I need to do to improve myself. I'm nkt as happy as I try to make myself out to be. I have some very rough days, especially this month, and I don't know how to break free. Maybe it's just something I need to go through?

But that was yesterday. Today was a lot nicer. Mom was feeling so much better. We went out to the beach to play Pokemon Go! because I am such a child. I'm a 90's kid! What do you expect? Lol! But we went out, and I made sure mom stayed hydrated.

Another highlight of today was being able to say hi to you. I really enjoy our conversations. Those that go deeper than just the usual 'hello'. I miss being able to talk with you. In the recent past, I felt as if we were not really friends. At least, not the friends I had hoped we would be in the end. You were my best friend, and now you're someone who I barely speak to...and I really want to make an effort to change that. Of course, if you don't want that then..that's okay, too xD! It's not all about me and what I want.

Regardless, it was really nice to chat, and converse on a much deeper level. It made me feel like we were friends again, and it made my heart happy. I will also add that I am happy you and Cameron worked things out, as well. You deserve to be happy.

Ooh! Which also reminds me, if you ever want little voice clips sent to you, just ask me. I know the days are rough when you're away from the people you care about. Even if I'm calling you dad again, just to make you smile? XD! That would be a switch! I've never called anyone daddy before, that's usually my name xD!! Pppft!

Hmm, but, you're asleep now! Annnnd what else do I want to say? Ooh! Tomorrow, I'll be making the drive back home. To Sean, Sean and Adam. I've also been keeping in touch with Damien.

He's a little confusing! He is very sweet, and I find myself enjoying myself when I'm in his company. He has been there for me..through so much. Throughout this whole month, while eveyrhing has gone to shit. We aren't together, but he's made comments about visiting, or when I move up there that I'll be his boyfriend. But I don't take him too seriously. Or, I don't know how to take it..really. He was in a very long relationship, and he's said countless times that he loves being single. Bkt then he says shit, like, "I can't wait to be married to a doctor." Ya know, after I'm done with my PhD. And he's commented that he would never ever get married, because he doesn't believe in it.

That's fine, because I don't think I /need/ to be married. XD but I'd like less mixed signals if he likes me. But that being said, I don't love him. I like him, and we mess around a lot, but it's not there. Plus, he gets my pronouns mixed up. Which, kinda makes me cringe. I remind him not to do that, and when he makes a reference to the boyfriend thing? Then I think..yeah, he gets it..maybe I'm just overreacting? But then he slips up with the pronouns, xD and it kinda sucks.

Ehh, but that's just a lot of ramblings that really mean nothing at this point! I've been retreading our roleplays! Because, they're awesome..and all that jazz. I think you know this though, because I told you. I miss roleplaying with you, we should do it again! Our poor muses.

Anyway, I think I'll leave it at this point. It's been a rough weekend, and I have a crazy headache xD and will probsbly have s hard time sleeping!

You know I'm always here if you need me.

- Salem.


P.S.- As I wrote this, the 31st switched to the 1st of August. I'm always on the edge of things, huh? XD!!