Today Might Yield Many Posts {4/19/14}

I only say that because it's 8:00 in the morning and holy cow I dun even wake up this early on school days anymore. I was up by 7:45 wondering when I fell asleep and trying hard to remember the last text that I read from you. Mn the kiddos are up too, seriously attitudy and refusing to finish breakfast. But hey~ What are kids for >.< I feel pretty bad for falling asleep on you last night, I climbed into bed and once I stopped my tears I was down for the count.

But let me be clear darling, I love you. I love you so much and I'm here for the long run. But you know what I tend to do. I think and plan and looking forward baby... Looking forward is overwhelming right now. Okay so we have... Ten months-ish(?) until our first visit and then a couple months past that I come visit you and then there's all the questions that bombard me with that. All the same ones that you have when you think about coming up here I'm sure. Not that that'll stop me but it's still nerve wracking. It's so far from now and so I try not to think about it because I'll just get more nervous. Mn... Oh goodness and past that... Well there's even more questions.

Will UCF work out? Will my credits transfer properly? Can I take a gap year and still transfer my credits? What kind of financial aid will there be? Because if there's nothing then the chances are very very slim that my parents will agree to cosign on loans and because I'm a new loaner and I won't have much credit at that point they'll need to be cosigned. And I really don't want to pay off the 40,000+ it'll take to put me through just two years of school there plus interest with out of state tuition anyways... And that's if they have a double degree program, and I only need two years to complete my Baccalaureate degrees. And then, if I have to take out any loans next year I'm pretty screwed because I'll have to start paying on them and they'll start accruing interest when I move out there. I just thought about all that when I went and saw my financial aid councilor.

So really... There's a big possibility that I just won't be able to come out there. Especially with the financial aid package I've been offered here. So I've been stressing about that. Because... That's two more years of me here... And you there. I mean... The flights back and fourth will be less expensive than the out of state tuition. And we can plan visits a couple times a year. But I'll of course miss the hell out of you. And it's a long time to not be completely settled together. I just needed to be up front about that because it's really been on my mind a lot even if it's not for another year and a half.

You're my everything Salem, and with visits to look forward to (that are not a year apart) I think we can make it through whatever life throws at us. But I just wanted to give you all that to ponder. It's just you and me now, and I don't care about anyone else's opinion on this. In fact I haven't told anyone about this concern. But I need your thoughts love. This will get easier. When we both have work, when you get a new computer (I have a feeling that since they're not bringing you down here, I'm getting a laptop O.o considering my dad was asking me suspiciously computer-esque questions). When we can skype and send pictures back and forth.

It will get easier. And you'll always have me baby. It's not easy right now, everything is up in the air. And life doesn't always get easier, but I don't know how this can get much harder XD So we're in luck.

I'll love you forever and always, and I'll always be here,
Makayla